Child Arrangements After Separation — A Guide for Parents

When a relationship breaks down and children are involved, the arrangements for where they live and how much time they spend with each parent are understandably the priority for most people. It's also the area that tends to carry the most emotion — which is completely understandable, but can sometimes make things harder to resolve.

Here's a clear guide to how child arrangements work in England and Wales.

The Starting Point: Agreement Between Parents

The family courts in England and Wales strongly prefer parents to sort out arrangements between themselves, without court involvement. This isn't just about saving court time — it's because arrangements that parents have agreed on together tend to work better in practice and cause less ongoing conflict, which is better for the children.

So the starting point, wherever possible, is conversation. If direct communication between you and your ex is difficult, a mediator can help facilitate those discussions in a neutral setting. Mediation is now a requirement before making a court application in most cases — you'll need to attend a MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting) to assess whether it's suitable.

What If We Can't Agree?

If agreement genuinely isn't possible, you can make an application to the family court for a Child Arrangements Order. This is a legal order that sets out where a child lives and how much time they spend with each parent.

Judges look at a range of factors set out in the Children Act 1989 — known as the welfare checklist — including the child's own wishes (depending on their age and understanding), their physical and emotional needs, the likely effect of any change in circumstances, and any risk of harm.

Parental Responsibility

It's a term that comes up a lot, so it's worth being clear about what it means. Parental responsibility is the legal right and duty to make decisions about a child's life — things like education, medical treatment, and religion.

Mothers automatically have parental responsibility. Fathers have it automatically if they were married to the mother at the time of birth, or if they are named on the birth certificate (for births registered after December 2003). Unmarried fathers who aren't named on the birth certificate don't have it automatically, but can get it through a parental responsibility agreement or a court order.

Having parental responsibility doesn't mean having day-to-day care of a child — it's about having a say in important decisions affecting their life.

Keeping Things Child-Focused

We know this is easier said than done, particularly when there's hurt and conflict on both sides. But in our experience, the cases that resolve most smoothly — and where children fare best in the longer term — are those where both parents manage to keep the focus on the children's needs rather than their own grievances.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't stand up for your rights as a parent, or that you should accept arrangements that aren't in your child's best interests. It just means approaching the process with that priority clearly in mind.

If there are genuine safeguarding concerns — domestic abuse, substance misuse, or any risk of harm to the child — those need to be raised clearly and early, both with your solicitor and with the court if necessary. The court takes these matters seriously.